Charlotte (Charlie to some, Charles to the half-blind man in Tesco) was born in 1980. Her memories of the event are blurred but she is sure the sun did shine and the Gods did smile down on such a glorious time, even though her mother proclaimed profusely "what a year it wasn't".

Her parents were Village People and soon she was too as they moved from Bath to Saltford where she was violently schooled at a local nunnery. From the ages of 12 until 17 her life exactly followed that of deposed Ugandan dictator Idi Amin. A coincidence, nothing more.

At 17, because she was the tallest, it was decided that she should go to university. Oxford called but she was out and missed it. So crossing the border in a small boat in the dark, she snuck into the Land of Somebody Else's Father to study Welsh Fairies at the University of Cardiff.

At this point she decided to change sex but no matter how hard she tried, she was unable to persuade more than a handful of people to abandon the traditional methods. She was annoyed but then she realised that journaling was her true love and so at the age of 23 launched herself into a career of admin.

At weekends you will now find her furiously trying to grow that extra foot taller, and dreaming of a future job at the Skipley Chronicle.